She gave up everything to become a Salbine Sister, member of a religious order of powerful female mages. But when Maddy nearly dies while trying to draw forth elemental fire, she learns that Salbine has withdrawn from her the gifts every sister works to master. Feeling trapped in an order to which she no longer has any right to belong and believing herself unworthy of the love of Lillian, one of the most powerful mages in the sisterhood, Maddy begs the abbess to let her travel to another monastery to research her condition.
On her journey, Maddy’s faith in both herself and Salbine are tested to their limits. When she attempts to draw fire and fails horribly, frightened townsfolk throw Maddy into prison. Fearing that the abbess will never learn her fate and rescue her, Maddy resigns herself to a short and brutal life.
The only bright spot in Maddy’s existence is Emmey, the pickpocket with whom she shares a cell. Through her and the steadfast love of Lillian, Maddy learns that Salbine’s purpose is not always the same for everyone, and that love and compassion are more valuable than magic.
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CHAPTER ONE:
MADDY RAN HER hand up Lillian’s arm, her fingertips skimming along the pale, damp skin. “I can’t wait for our next lesson.” She gently pressed her lips against Lillian’s shoulder and then her ear.
Lillian rolled onto her back and threw her arm over her head, her chest still heaving. “I’m supposed to be teaching you how to draw and control fire,” she said breathlessly.
Maddy laughed. “If the point was to generate heat, I’d say you succeeded.” She quickly smoothed her expression when Lillian glared at her.
“Your examination is next month and you can barely light a bloody candle!”
“I guess extra lessons are in order.” Somehow she managed to say that with a straight face. All her lessons except the first had followed a similar route: first the training room, then Maddy’s chambers.
A gust of wind blew one of the shutters against the wall with a thwack that drowned out Lillian’s words, but her bulging eyes and pinched mouth clearly conveyed her response. Maddy could understand why one stern look from Lillian always sent the other initiates into a bobbing fit. She might have become immune to Lillian’s powers of intimidation, but she didn’t want to disappoint her. “I’ll try harder,” she murmured as she leaned over and traced one of the lines near the corner of Lillian’s eye. “I know I can do it.”
“I’m sure you can.” Lillian’s face softened. “But you have to focus. We both have to focus.”
Suddenly feeling like the inexperienced initiate she was, Maddy snuggled into Lillian and buried her face in the other woman’s shoulder. Not for the first time, she wondered what they were doing and where it would lead. An initiate and a mistress? And not just any mistress—Mistress Lillian.
The wind carried a chill and the fire had long-since died. Shivering, Maddy reached for the blanket heaped at their feet and pulled it to their shoulders. They lay quietly for a while, the only sounds their quiet breathing and the echoing footsteps of the defenders patrolling the courtyard below.
Maddy almost asked if Lillian would care to take tea together one day. But Lillian had never approached her outside of their scheduled lessons, had never asked her to go for a walk or to share a meal. Maybe Lillian’s interest didn’t extend beyond Maddy’s bedchamber. Maddy would only ruin it if she asked for more, and she must remember her place. Even so, curiosity pushed her to pry. “What do you usually do after early morning prayers?”
“Nothing important,” Lillian said.
“Oh.” She searched for something else to say, then jumped when Lillian threw the blanket aside, doused the kerosene lamp sitting on the table near the bed, and stood. “Where are you going?” Maddy asked, hoping her curiosity hadn’t driven Lillian to return to her own chambers.
“Nowhere.” The moonlight silhouetted her as she pulled the window shut. When she closed the shutters she disappeared in enveloping darkness. The bed creaked. Maddy pressed her body against Lillian’s, to warm her.
“What—what will you be doing tomorrow?” Lillian asked.
“I have a history lesson, and my embroidery time,” Maddy said, thrilled by Lillian’s interest. “Oh, and my lute lesson.” Though she planned to give that up; her ears agreed too often with Sister Edith’s pained expression.
“It’s been a long time since I sat through a lesson. Can’t say I miss them.” Lillian rolled away. “Anyway, I have to be up for early morning prayers.”
Disappointed, Maddy closed her eyes when Lillian’s lips brushed her cheek, then smiled when Lillian’s hand bumped into hers. “Good night,” Lillian murmured, holding Maddy’s hand.
“Good night, Lillian.”
It didn’t take her long to drift off.
HER EYES FLEW open; she shot upright, ears attuned to the foreign voice. A man, in the Initiates Tower! She blinked and wondered why the shutters were open, then saw Lillian, already in her shift, stepping into her rough leather shoes. The muffled male voice came again, followed by a shriek. Maddy swung her legs off the bed, adrenaline coursing through her.
Lillian pulled on her robe and quickly buttoned it. “Stay here.”
Maddy nodded. Lillian unbolted the door and grasped its iron ring to pull it open. The moment she stepped over the threshold, Maddy slipped into her shift, wrapped herself in the blanket, and padded after her.
Now that the door was open, she could make out the man’s words: “Come on, darlin’. Give us a kiss.”
Maddy stayed in the shadows just inside her chambers. In the early morning light, she recognized Conrad, the Duke of Merrin, pawing at Gwendolyn.
“Get off her!” Abigail shouted, pulling on his elbow.
“Let her go!” Lillian snapped. When Merrin turned toward Lillian, Gwendolyn seized the opportunity to duck away from him. “Go back to your chambers,” Lillian said, her eyes still on Merrin.
Gwendolyn darted into an open door across the hall and quickly swung it shut. Abigail scampered away. A moment later, Maddy heard the thud of another door closing. Where was Nora? Her chambers were also across from Maddy’s. Surely she wouldn’t be sleeping through this racket. Maddy was tempted to step across to check Nora’s door, but she didn’t want Lillian to see her.
Merrin squinted bleary eyes at Lillian. “Now, who have we here?” He staggered toward her. Maddy’s nose wrinkled—the man reeked of ale. “I prefer lamb, love, but I suppose a bit of mutton wouldn’t hurt.” He leered at Lillian.
The hairs on the back of Maddy’s neck warned her. She stepped back.
“Come to me, darlin’,” Merrin slurred, reaching for Lillian.
Lillian thrust out her right hand. Merrin flew back and slammed against the wall, narrowly missing Gwendolyn’s door. He slid to the floor, his mouth hanging open. Then he clamped it shut and his eyes cleared. “You bitch!” he spat, leaping to his feet. “You f—” His eyes bulged. He sank to his knees.
“I don’t like it when people are rude,” Lillian murmured, her taut hands and the veins prominent near her temples the only visible signs that she was drawing an element.
Merrin’s mouth moved, but only a squeak came out. He clawed at his throat, tears streaming down his red face.
Maddy was more interested in how Lillian was preventing air from reaching Merrin’s lungs than in his discomfort. Forgetting herself, she moved into the hall, closer to Lillian. The duke wasn’t turning blue—Lillian wasn’t completely starving him of air.
A voice cracked out: “Lillian!” Abbess Sophia and her consort, Mistress Elizabeth, emerged from the stairwell with Barnabus and Nora on their heels. “Enough!”
Annoyance flashed across Lillian’s face, but she relaxed and turned away from the duke. Still on his knees, Merrin supported himself with one hand while his other clutched his throat. He gulped in air as if he were hyperventilating.
Mistress Elizabeth raised the lamp that had illuminated the stairwell, casting more light on the situation. Barnabus stepped to Lillian’s side, the glowing lamplight flickering along his polished gold breastplate. The clink of armour announced the imminent arrival of more defenders. The two newcomers stopped next to the abbess and her consort.
“I told you,” Nora said to the abbess.
“Yes, thank you, Sister.” Abbess Sophia adjusted the position of her spectacles and peered at Merrin.
“Apparently he’s mistaken us for tavern whores,” Lillian said as Merrin struggled to his feet and stood swaying. He managed to keep his balance—barely.
The abbess looked to the heavens and shook her head. “You’re not supposed to be here, Your Grace. The defenders will escort you out.”
He pointed at Lillian. “I want her punished,” he said hoarsely.
Lillian’s eyes widened. “Me, punished? You’re the one trespassing. You’re the one who tried to force yourself on sisters when the whores didn’t want you.”
Merrin lunged at Lillian, then raised his hands and backed away, three swords at his throat.
“Get him out of here,” the abbess murmured.
The three defenders slid their swords back into their scabbards. Two of them grasped Merrin by the arms and half led, half supported him into the stairwell. Barnabus dropped to one knee in front of the abbess and bowed his head. “Forgive me.”
“You’ll have my forgiveness when you find out how he got through the gates,” the abbess said. “And how did he make it up the hill in his state? Where are his men?”
“I’ll find the answers you seek, Abbess.”
“And have Stephen tell him to stick to the whores next time,” Mistress Elizabeth added. “All that ale must be addling his brain.”
“Yes, do,” the abbess agreed, nodding. “The fool!”
“As you wish, Abbess.” Barnabus rose and nodded, then marched away.
“Sister Nora, Sister Maddy, return to your chambers,” the abbess said.
Maddy bobbed a curtsey along with Nora, then winced when Lillian turned to her in surprise. She should have ducked back inside before Lillian noticed her.
“Lillian, my study, half an hour,” the abbess barked as Maddy pushed her door shut. Did the abbess want to discuss Lillian’s handling of Merrin, or her presence in the Initiates Tower at this hour? Maddy leaned against the door in dismay. If the abbess ended her lessons with Lillian, what followed them would likely end too, dashing Maddy’s hope for more.
“MERRIN IS A vacuous, useless, self-absorbed, lazy pig!” Lillian spat. “Did you expect me to just stand there and watch him paw at the initiates?”
Sophia lifted the teapot from the silver tray and raised her eyebrows at Lillian, who shook her head. “No, I didn’t expect you to just stand there,” she said, holding the teapot’s lid in place with one hand as she poured tea into a flowered teacup. “But he is the duke.”
“Everyone knows Stephen runs the county.”
“Well, we all wish Stephen had been born two minutes earlier.” Sophia set the teapot on the tray. She lifted the cup to her lips and took a sip, then blew on its contents and returned it to its saucer. “But he wasn’t. And as much as I loathe Merrin, we have to be careful not to antagonize him. He comes up with enough reasons to resent us on his own. Did you have to suffocate him?”
“I didn’t suffocate him. I made sure he could breathe.”
“Barely.”
Lillian folded her arms. “I’m not apologizing, to you or to him. He got exactly what he deserved.”
“And now I’ll have to soothe any hurt feelings,” Sophia said, shaking her head at the bother. “He might insist I punish you.”
“And will you?”
“No. But only because he had no business being in the Initiates Tower, or on monastery grounds, for that matter. I hope Barnabus gets to the bottom of it.” Sophia pointed a warning forefinger at Lillian. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not upset with you. If you need to, um, deal with him again, show some restraint—for me.”
“Very well,” Lillian muttered, feeling a smidgen of regret that Sophia would have to make a grand show of smoothing Merrin’s wounded ego. Better Sophia than her; there was a reason she’d never coveted Sophia’s position. “Is that it, then? Can I go now?”
“Not just yet,” Sophia murmured. She took another sip of her tea.
Annoyed, Lillian shifted in her chair and stifled a sigh. Would Sophia please get on with it! She wanted to check an experiment before early morning prayers.
Sophia set her cup down. “I was just wondering when you’re planning to let everyone in on the amazing discovery you’ve made.”
“What amazing discovery?” Lillian snapped, wondering exactly what was in Sophia’s tea.
“Why, the ability to teleport, of course,” Sophia said lightly. “It didn’t take long for me and Elizabeth to rouse ourselves when Nora banged on our door. She waited for us in the hall, and a minute later, we were on our way to the Initiates Tower. The door to your chambers is in full view of mine, yet Nora didn’t mention anything about you leaving your chambers. Barnabus met us when we were halfway down the east steps, and he didn’t mention seeing you either. Yet there you were, fully robed, when we arrived.” Her brow furrowed. “I guess you must have developed psychic abilities too, since you knew exactly where Merrin was without anyone telling you.”
This time she didn’t bother to stifle a sigh. “If you want to ask me something, ask! Why must you always drag everything out instead of saying what you want to say?”
“If that’s what you want. Who were you with, Lillian?”
“I don’t think that’s any of your affair.”
“It is my affair if there’s going to be drama in the Initiates Tower,” Sophia said harshly. “Now, there are only four chambers on that floor, so if I have to summon four sisters here, I will. Though I presume I can eliminate Nora, because you wouldn’t have sent her for me. So who is it?”
Lillian blew out some air and studied her fingernails. The last thing she wanted was Sophia questioning everyone about her bed partners. “Maddy.”
“Maddy?”
Lillian snapped her head up. “Yes, Maddy! Can I go now?”
“Maddy is, what, twenty-four?” Sophia said, ignoring Lillian’s question. “And you are . . .” She stared at Lillian.
“Forty-one. And a half.” Sophia continued to stare at her. “Three-quarters?” Sophia’s eyes narrowed. “All right, forty-two next month.” Much to Lillian’s dismay, her face had grown hot. “And before you tell me I’m making a fool of myself, I know she probably has a different sister in her bed every night.”
“Would it bother you if she did?”
Terribly. She’d admitted as much to herself last week, when she’d had trouble working out a potion formula because thoughts of Maddy had continually broken her concentration. But admitting that to Sophia . . .
Her silence answered for her. Sophia’s forehead creased. “Oh, Lillian,” she said softly. “I’ve hoped you might find a reason to emerge from that claustrophobic old laboratory of yours every once in a while, but I thought perhaps another mistress might catch your eye. Dorothy shares your love of alchemy.”
Well, good for Dorothy.
“She’s been alone since Winifred went to Salbine last year.”
“Sophia, I’m perfectly happy on my own, all right?”
“You were perfectly happy.” Sophia peered at Lillian through her spectacles. “Why Maddy?”
She’d asked herself the same question many times. “I don’t know.”
“And you don’t seem bothered that you can’t explain it. Oh dear.”
“What’s wrong with Maddy?”
“Nothing. It’s just that Maddy’s . . . not like you. She doesn’t question, she simply believes.”
“Are you going to forbid me from seeing her?” Lillian asked, wanting to end a conversation that had quickly become uncomfortable.
“Of course not. You’re both of age. But where do you see it going? I hope . . .” She swallowed. “I hope she’s not another Caroline.”
Rage forced Lillian to her feet. “She isn’t!” she shouted. Needing to move, she crossed to a window and stood with her shaking hands shoved into her robe’s pockets.
A chair scraped across stone; a moment later, Lillian felt Sophia’s hand on her back. “I’m sorry, but I had to say it,” Sophia murmured. “I don’t want to see you hurt like that again.”
And it had hurt, and still did. After all this time, it still hurt as if it had happened yesterday, not almost twenty years ago.
“Maddy’s young. She’s not much older than Caroline was when she left.”
“Maddy isn’t Caroline,” Lillian said quietly. “Perhaps she does see me as nothing more than a bit of amusement, but she’s never been cruel.”
“Perhaps not, but if she sees you as nothing more than a bed partner, you’ll be hurt nonetheless. Because you don’t see her that way, do you?”
She took her time answering. “No.” Even though they’d never spent time together outside Maddy’s bedchamber—apart from the training room, but that didn’t count.
“Have you told her how you feel?”
No, because she was afraid Maddy might tell her she was too old to be more than a bed warmer. As Sophia had pointed out, Maddy was only twenty-four; she’d likely grow bored with the monastery’s loner once the novelty had worn off, especially since she spent most of her time with fresh-faced initiates. And if Lillian were to voice her feelings to Maddy, she could no longer pretend that Maddy didn’t matter. She’d be vulnerable, and she hated being vulnerable.
“You do talk, don’t you?” Sophia asked.
“Not about . . . whatever it is we’re doing,” she said, glad that Sophia couldn’t see her face.
“Oh dear.” Sophia stepped to Lillian’s side and slipped an arm around her shoulders. “Talk to her, Lillian. You might not like what she says, but at least you’ll know.”
She rested her head on Sophia’s shoulder. “Do you think I’m making a fool of myself?” she asked faintly.
Sophia squeezed her. “I don’t know. Only Maddy can answer that. So talk to her.”
The prayer bell sounded. Lillian tutted. “I wanted to check an experiment.”
“No time now.” Sophia dashed to her desk and gulped down the remains of her tea. “You can do it after prayers.”
When Lillian had nothing in particular to say to Salbine, which happened often, she took advantage of early morning prayers to plan her day. But she knew what she’d beseech Salbine for today: courage.
MADDY PLUNKED HER bowl onto the wooden table and squeezed herself onto the bench between Nora and Rose. She stirred her porridge, hardly able to hear her spoon scraping the bowl over the spirited chatter that filled the communal dining hall.
Gwendolyn and Abigail eyed her from across the table. “We got the shock of our lives last night,” Gwendolyn said over the din.
Maddy nodded. “I couldn’t believe it when I saw Merrin. What on earth did he think he was doing?”
“Oh, well, that was shocking too, but I wasn’t referring to that.”
Maddy paused her spoon. “Oh?”
“I meant Mistress Lillian coming out of your chambers,” Gwendolyn said, her eyes bright.
Those around Maddy grew quiet. “You spent the night with Mistress Lillian?” Rose said around a mouthful of porridge.
“I didn’t know you’d taken up the study of ancient artifacts,” Nora said, prompting gales of laughter.
Maddy hunched her shoulders and quickly lifted a spoonful of porridge to her mouth. The sooner she finished eating, the sooner she could escape.
“I’m sure there are easier ways to pass your fire exam,” Gwendolyn said.
“What are you implying?” Maddy snapped, more offended on Lillian’s behalf than her own.
“Don’t be crude, Gwendolyn,” Rose said.
“All right, maybe she was with the mistress because she misses her ma,” Gwendolyn said, provoking a chorus of groans.
“Thank you very much,” Abigail shouted, rising from the bench. “I have a hard enough time choking down this slop every morning without you saying things that make me want to bring it back up. Salbine preserve me.” She grabbed her bowl and stomped off to another table.
Gwendolyn rolled her eyes. “She’s always cranky when she hasn’t had enough sleep.”
“Or maybe you’re not as funny as you think you are,” Rose said.
Maddy silently thanked her friend. She should stand up for herself and Lillian, but Gwendolyn would only twist anything she said to show off her so-called wit.
Gwendolyn threw Rose a dirty look. “If Maddy wasn’t so quiet, we wouldn’t have to speculate. So come on, Maddy, enlighten us. What’s the attraction?”
Maddy dropped her spoon into her porridge. If Gwendolyn thought she’d defend or explain herself, she could think again! “I’m sure you were shocked when you realized Mistress Lillian was in my chambers,” she said, bristling. “But not half as shocked as I would have been to see anyone come out of yours.”
When everyone snickered, Maddy felt ashamed to have sunk to Gwendolyn’s level. Her anger shifted from Gwendolyn to herself. If she continued to see Lillian, she’d have to get used to the teasing and the barbs, learn to brush them off.
Gwendolyn glared at her. “Perhaps I’m more discreet than you,” she said with a sniff, then drained her mug of milk and slammed it down on the table. “And I can assure you that if you ever do see someone come out of my chambers, she’ll be my age!” She rose and flung “See you all at morning prayers” over her shoulder as she strode off in a huff.
With Gwendolyn gone, everyone seemed content to let the subject drop, at least until Maddy had finished breakfast. She was on her way to feed the squirrels, her pockets stuffed with the nuts one of the cooks always put aside, when Rose caught up with her. She slipped her arm through Maddy’s as they neared a copse popular with the squirrels in the monastery’s western grounds. “Now that we’re alone, tell me everything!” she squealed. “How did you end up with Mistress Lillian?”
Maddy had entered the monastery a month after Rose, and they’d become fast friends. They usually told each other everything. Rose wouldn’t give her any peace if she refused to divulge details. “It started during my second fire lesson,” she said as she dug a handful of nuts from her pocket and scattered them on the ground. Trying to coax that one shy squirrel to take a nut from her hand would have to wait; even the brave ones were still in the trees, suspicious of the stranger.
“You mean last night wasn’t the first time?” Rose exclaimed, elbowing Maddy in the ribs. “Why haven’t you said anything?”
“Because I wasn’t sure if Lil—the mistress wanted anyone to know.” They’d always managed to make it to her chambers without running into anyone on her floor. And since Lillian attended early morning prayers, she was always gone by the time Maddy and the other initiates woke. Maddy had wondered what Lillian would do if she wasn’t expected at the chapel, if she would still slip out early, regardless.
“So what happened at your second lesson?”
She’d literally fallen into Lillian’s arms. “I drew fire for the first time.”
“Right, I remember you telling me. I didn’t want to say anything at the time, but I was surprised that you waited until your second lesson. I did it during my first lesson, and so did Abigail and Grace.”
Perhaps she would have done the same, if Lillian hadn’t been her tutor. As a rule, Lillian didn’t accept students. Horror had rippled through the assembled initiates when Mistress Ivy announced that because Mistress Clarissa was away tending to her ailing ma, Mistress Lillian had agreed to teach one student about the basics of drawing fire. The same thought had run through everyone’s mind: please, don’t let it be me! To the initiates, Lillian was an intimidating figure, a powerful mage who cared little for people and was easily annoyed. She spent most of her time preparing poisons in a secret laboratory—at least that was the rumour. Aloof, impatient, unforgiving, and in possession of a supply of poisons—who’d want someone like that for a tutor?
Maddy couldn’t have been more dismayed when Mistress Ivy announced that Lillian would be her tutor. Everyone patted her arm in sympathy, relief in their eyes. By the time she arrived at the training room for her first lesson at the unusual time of eight in the evening—when Lillian could “fit her in”—she was terrified of making a mistake or of failing to quickly grasp a concept, sure that Lillian would eagerly pounce on her. Nothing could have been further from the truth. If anything, Lillian was bored, valiantly trying to appear engaged while wishing she were somewhere else. Still, Maddy was too nervous to draw fire during that first lesson. When she’d tried and failed, Lillian hadn’t pushed her. “Next lesson,” she’d said as she’d dashed off to wherever she’d rather have been for the past hour.
“Well, I didn’t try until my second lesson,” she said to Rose, not wanting to admit to her failures, “and the mistress warned me not to draw too quickly or I might feel nauseous or light-headed.”
Rose nodded. “I swayed a little.”
Maddy snorted as she pulled Rose away from the trees and up the path that led to the inner courtyard. She’d visit her other spots later; she preferred to be alone when she fed her furry friends. “I did more than sway.” Fortunately Lillian had been prepared. “I almost fainted, and would have ended up on the floor if the mistress hadn’t caught me.”
“Did she get angry?” Rose asked, her eyes wide.
“No. I grabbed onto her to steady myself.” Lillian’s rough robe had scratched her hands. “And I looked up at her, and she looked at me, and I don’t know why, but . . . I kissed her. Or she kissed me. Or we kissed each other. I don’t know, we just kissed.”
“Mistress Lillian!”
“Yes.” And they hadn’t stopped at one kiss. The lesson, the training room, everything had faded away as they’d melted into each other. They’d briefly come to their senses when they’d started to unbutton their robes and remembered where they were. “We ended up in my bedchamber, and that’s where we’ve ended up after every lesson since.”
“Mistress Lillian?”
“Will you stop saying that, please?”
“Sorry,” Rose murmured. “You’ve certainly kept it quiet.”
“As I said, I wasn’t sure what the mistress wanted.”
“You, obviously.” Rose grinned, then yelped when Maddy playfully slapped her arm. “Though are you sure you’re not part of some experiment?”
She hoped not.
“I didn’t think Mistress Lillian had,” Rose lowered her voice, “those sorts of needs.”
Maddy could personally vouch that she did.
“But she does like to do experiments, or so I’ve heard,” Rose added.
“Maybe she does.” She’d heard the same, and wished she could hear it from Lillian herself. “But I’m not part of an experiment.”
Rose grunted, looking unconvinced. “What do you think will happen, now that everyone knows?”
“I don’t know.” She paused. “I hope she’ll still see me.”
Rose stopped and faced her. “You like her! As more than a friend, I mean.”
Maddy nodded. “But I don’t know how she feels.” She bit her lip. “Do you think I’m foolish?”
“No. You can’t control who you like in that way.”
“Oh, so if I could control it, then you’d think I’m foolish,” Maddy said ruefully.
“I didn’t say that,” Rose said with a laugh, slipping her arm through Maddy’s again. “I just hope the mistress likes you in the same way you like her.”
She fervently hoped so, too. Her next lesson should be interesting—though it could turn out to be disappointing and humiliating if Lillian made it clear that she’d return to her own chambers when it finished.
Rose frowned. “We’ll be a bit early if we go to the chapel now.”
“Let’s go to my chambers so I can empty my pockets.”
“Tell me about what happened with Merrin,” Rose said as they wandered toward the Initiates Tower. “I wish I’d been there.”
“Somehow he got past the defenders at the—”
“Maddy, look!”
She followed Rose’s gaze, and her breath caught in her throat. Lillian stood near the Initiates Tower’s main entrance. When they approached her, she crooked a finger. “Sister Maddy, a word, please.”
“I’ll see you at chapel.” Rose let go of Maddy’s arm and bobbed a curtsey to Lillian. “Mistress.”
“Yes, run along, Sister—um . . .” Lillian screwed up her face. “Rose! Yes, Sister Rose.”
With an amused smirk, Rose strolled away.
“I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Lillian said as soon as Rose was out of earshot. “I should have waited until your next lesson. We can talk then.”
“You didn’t interrupt anything,” Maddy said quickly. Waiting until her lesson would be excruciating. “We were just on our way to my chambers, so I can empty my pockets before morning prayers.”
Lillian looked down at Maddy’s bulging pockets. “Oh.”
“What would you like to talk to me about?” Maddy asked, hoping Lillian wouldn’t rush off.
“Talk . . . Yes, talk.” Lillian scratched her head. “Let’s go in. I don’t want to be interrupted.” Without waiting for a reply, she pushed open the door and disappeared inside.
Maddy followed, in time to see Lillian knock on one of the first floor study room doors and open it a crack. She closed it and moved on to the next one. “In here,” she said, waving Maddy inside. She shut the door behind Maddy. They remained standing, ignoring the four chairs around a square table. Lillian stared at Maddy and gulped.
“Was the abbess upset about Merrin?” Maddy asked, then kicked herself. She wasn’t supposed to know about Lillian seeing the abbess.
“No,” Lillian said. “Well, not really.”
“Good.”
“She wanted to know who I was with last night.”
Maddy’s heart sank. “Oh.”
“Talking to the abbess helped clarify things for me. About you.”
No wonder Lillian seemed nervous. Telling someone you’d no longer share her bed was never easy, regardless of how much or little you cared for her. Maddy braced herself.
“I realized . . .” Lillian swallowed. “I realized that I’d like to know more about you, more than how well you draw fire and . . . and how you like to be touched. I’d like to spend time with you outside your bedchamber.” She crossed her arms against her chest and gripped her robe. “But that’s probably not what you want. And that’s all right. I understand.” She turned to the door. “I won’t keep you.”
“Wait! Please don’t go, Lillian. I want the same thing you do,” Maddy blurted, elated.
Lillian became very still. “You do?”
“Yes, very much. I’ve wanted to ask to see you, but I didn’t know if that’s what you want.” She longed to touch Lillian, but Lillian’s posture dissuaded her.
“It is,” Lillian said, turning to Maddy and slowly lowering her arms.
They stared at each other. “Would you like to meet tonight, after evening prayers?” Maddy asked, sensing that Lillian’s nerve had run its course. She’d already learned that a shy woman hid beneath the bluster.
“Yes, I would.” Lillian’s face fell. “Oh, but I have to go to my laboratory, to prepare something for Mistress Meredith. I’d do it earlier, but I’m helping Thomas all day. It has to be tonight. She needs it.”
So the laboratory did exist. But what would Mistress Meredith want with poison? “Would you like company?”
Lillian hesitated, then nodded.
“Where is it?”
“What?”
“Your laboratory.”
“Oh. Why don’t you meet me outside the chapel after the service?”
“All right.”
Lillian cleared her throat. “Well, then.” She looked down at Maddy’s pockets. “What’s in your pockets?”
“Nuts.”
“Nuts?” Lillian’s brow furrowed. “All for you?”
The morning prayer bell sounded. Maddy couldn’t resist the urge to touch Lillian any longer. She took Lillian’s hand and rubbed her thumb along the red markings on its back, markings that matched those on her own hands. Warmth flooded through her when she felt Lillian’s fingers curl around hers. “No, not for me. I’ll tell you later.”
Lillian nodded and squeezed Maddy’s hand. “Later, then.” She turned to leave the room, but not before Maddy caught her smile.
Copyright © 2010 Sarah Ettritch. All rights reserved.
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